I must be on the roll, because I keep on thinking of more signs/clues.
One time when we were at dinner and having one of those conversations, I asked him if he was seeing someone else.
His reply: "not at the moment".
As in "not while I'm sitting here, having dinner with you"?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Softer Side of Cheating: Part II
How could I forget?
We never became facebook friends!!! That should've said it all :)
We never became facebook friends!!! That should've said it all :)
The Softer Side of Cheating
I've always considered myself lucky - as far as I can tell, I have never been cheated on by any of my ex boyfriends. But as I lay in bed a few nights ago, I was thinking about the last person I dated and about the way things ended...and slowly, but steadily, a very uneasy thought creeped into my mind - I wonder if he was cheating on me.
There might have been clues all throughout our dating that perhaps I chose to ignore, or maybe I'm just reading too much into things now, looking for a possible explanation. Either way, here are a few potential give aways that your cyber mate might be seeing someone else:
Mr. Spontaneous: the first time we talked on the phone, he suggested I'd meet him in about 30 minutes for his morning coffee. Now, I'm more of a planner than an average girl, and I was in the middle of something, so we made plans for the next day. But playing the Spontaneous card has certain advantages, doesn't it? It allows him to fit you in his schedule whenever it is convenient to him, while you might be romanticizing and thinking that he just wants to see you right away and has no time to make plans for the future.
Mr. Let Me Text You: there's a whole list of problems that are associated with texting (more on that later), but in this case, there were occasions where instead of a conversation, I would get a text, especially later at night. It would always bother me, and I'd bring it to his attention on numerous occasions. But the behavior never stopped. The texts would inform me that he was busy/tired/occupied and we'd talk the next day. What a nice and simple way to cut someone off without bringing much attention to it if he was in case seeing someone else.
Disappearance Act: I must admit, while seeing him, I didn't want to be seeing anyone else or be involved on match. It was my decision, and I stand by it. But from time to time, I'd log back into the website to check his activity level. One day, his profile disappeared. It was nowhere to be found. Normally, that would signal a positive move in the relationship - why would he want to be on match when he already found me, right? (Ha ha ha!) But in this case, his disappearance wasn't discussed. Later on, he has also disappeared from gchat.
The Way Things End: and finally, there was an end. Things just ended. Abruptly, without any explanations, reasons, or conversations. There was no fight, no argument. In fact, we had plans to see each other on the weekend. That's when yet another set of lame text messages from my Mr. arrived. This time, I decided not to follow up, thinking (deservingly) that the least he could do was call. The call never came, I never heard from him. The interesting thing is, I knew things wouldn't work out. That little shy, but persistent voice in my head was talking to me, whispering. Perhaps, I should've listened earlier.
And here's a kicker, when presented with my ideas, my dear sibling said to me "perhaps he wasn't cheating on you. perhaps he was cheating on someone else with you"
There might have been clues all throughout our dating that perhaps I chose to ignore, or maybe I'm just reading too much into things now, looking for a possible explanation. Either way, here are a few potential give aways that your cyber mate might be seeing someone else:
Mr. Spontaneous: the first time we talked on the phone, he suggested I'd meet him in about 30 minutes for his morning coffee. Now, I'm more of a planner than an average girl, and I was in the middle of something, so we made plans for the next day. But playing the Spontaneous card has certain advantages, doesn't it? It allows him to fit you in his schedule whenever it is convenient to him, while you might be romanticizing and thinking that he just wants to see you right away and has no time to make plans for the future.
Mr. Let Me Text You: there's a whole list of problems that are associated with texting (more on that later), but in this case, there were occasions where instead of a conversation, I would get a text, especially later at night. It would always bother me, and I'd bring it to his attention on numerous occasions. But the behavior never stopped. The texts would inform me that he was busy/tired/occupied and we'd talk the next day. What a nice and simple way to cut someone off without bringing much attention to it if he was in case seeing someone else.
Disappearance Act: I must admit, while seeing him, I didn't want to be seeing anyone else or be involved on match. It was my decision, and I stand by it. But from time to time, I'd log back into the website to check his activity level. One day, his profile disappeared. It was nowhere to be found. Normally, that would signal a positive move in the relationship - why would he want to be on match when he already found me, right? (Ha ha ha!) But in this case, his disappearance wasn't discussed. Later on, he has also disappeared from gchat.
The Way Things End: and finally, there was an end. Things just ended. Abruptly, without any explanations, reasons, or conversations. There was no fight, no argument. In fact, we had plans to see each other on the weekend. That's when yet another set of lame text messages from my Mr. arrived. This time, I decided not to follow up, thinking (deservingly) that the least he could do was call. The call never came, I never heard from him. The interesting thing is, I knew things wouldn't work out. That little shy, but persistent voice in my head was talking to me, whispering. Perhaps, I should've listened earlier.
And here's a kicker, when presented with my ideas, my dear sibling said to me "perhaps he wasn't cheating on you. perhaps he was cheating on someone else with you"
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